It’s that time again. Time to start planning for the New Year and all that comes with it. I always take off from work the week after Christmas to rest, spend time with family and get myself recharged. I love the silky, smooth pages of a blank, fresh calendar, a new set of pens and a vision for what I want to accomplish. It’s not that we leave behind all that the current year has brought, but it does give a sense of a fresh start.
Like many other people I choose a word and verse of the year to focus on. I’ve had several “ Re-“ words that have come to mind, but I think I have settled on the word “Renew.”
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint.“ Isaiah 40:31
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for new. It’s been a very trying year. I want to renew, reinvent, regenerate, revive and recharge all areas of my life. I truly want to renew my strength and soar and run and walk with hope and energy.
I spent much of 2022 seeking. I have been in survival mode, reeling from the uprooting of my life, of my house and home, of my family’s history. Everything was turned upside down. Holidays, traditions, family gatherings, celebrations and vacations all looked and felt very, very different. Going to church or going out to dinner was even a challenging reminder. We each mourned the losses in our own ways, grieving the crumbling of a family unit, grasping the newness of life moving forward. We busied ourselves, seeking comfort and security, understanding and solace. We tried to rebuild a sense of normalcy and garner hope for the days to come. There was a sense of relief that a decision was made and that the move brought peace and quiet to a chaotic situation. A silver lining to the awfulness.
After 26 years of marriage and spending the last 18 years in a home where my children were raised, leaving all of that behind has been quite a shock to the system. But 2022 has honestly been a big year of spiritual growth and maturity for me. The peace and quiet that has been the bright spot, has allowed me much time for introspection, study and reflection.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about the stress level of my job and the demands of it that continue to rise. This prompted a search for new career fields, trying desperately to fit my square-shaped experience into a round-shaped hole of new and different careers. I looked for something that could fit my skill sets and experiences, while not setting me back to ground level. It seemed impossible that I could make a pivot to a new field.
After spending countless hours researching and reading about jobs and degrees and certifications, I enrolled at last in a Master’s degree program. I had always felt it daunting and impossible that I would be accepted to such a program, but I did it. And in the process, I proved something to myself. I am capable.
I stressed myself out to the max in a qualitative research course, checking off each and every assignment, one by one until the course ended. Countless tears of exhaustion, frustration, anxiety and stress poured out of me. I took vacation days to complete assignments and toiled away every weekend and free moment. Yet in the end, I proved a second thing to myself. I am smarter than I thought. I finished this class with a 98.3. Something I never thought possible.
Not to brag but, I’m kind of capable and kind of smart.
I took a break for the holidays with the intention to resume coursework in January, when the bustle of the season slows down. Meanwhile, I got an unexpected job offer from a friend, which I allowed myself to explore for a bit. Although it was in a fun environment and seemed like a field I would truly enjoy, I had to pass on the offer. We couldn’t make it make my financial needs in the moment, however tempting it was. But, in the midst of it, I overcame a third mental obstacle. I realized that I’m not too old to make a shift in a different industry. There is potential.
So now, I’ve proven three things to myself. I am kind of capable. I am kind of smart. I am kind of able. That’s a start. It gave me hope and encouragement, relieving fears that I was none of those things.
And then, I heard a quote on a podcast that changed it all for me, a total mindset shift. The quote was, “if you can’t get out of it, get into it.“ That is truly a game changer for me.
It settled my anxiety and helped me release the tension of what to do next. It stopped my complaints and started my gratitude list. Life does not necessarily look or feel the way we wanted or expected, but sometimes it is what it is. It stopped my searching and eased my pursuits for change. It prompted me to write out my gratitude for where I am, for what I have and for the benefits of my current situation. It gave me the mindset to do the very best I can right where I am right now. Work at it as if for the Lord, not for man. It changed my whole outlook.
I made a choice.
I made a choice to be content where I am, with what I have, while working on myself, my health, and my spiritual growth.
I made a choice to create a new life and reinvent myself, calling forth the woman that I want to be, the one that’s been lingering inside. She’s the same one that thought she was not capable, smart or able. Focus on renewing my strength through hopefulness, soaring, running and walking with energy. Focus on the important things like health, family and joy in all circumstances. My story is not over, I’m just starting a new chapter. God is not finished with me yet.
I’ve read recently to just be the person you want to be right now, while you’re waiting for that very best version to arrive. Do the things she would do. Walk and talk and act and dress like her now. Do the work, take the action and be her now, not later. I’m imagining her showing up, fully dressed and ready, at the doorstep of opportunity. Listen to the still, small voice inside and take a bold step out to fulfill the assignments. Whatever that calling is, I bet we will find out in the process that we had what we needed all along…. we are capable, smart and able.
It’s time to Renew her.
A FRUITFUL LEGACY 