From early-on in life, I learned that leaders are readers. It helped that I had an amazing opportunity to learn under the instruction of dedicated, professional teachers like Mary Walker, Donna Underwood, and Ellen Boatright, in my formative, high school years. I went on to study English at Ole Miss under the guidance of some of the most legendary wordsmiths, such as Professors Evans Harrington and Barry Hannah. They each instilled in us both a love of words and a desire for excellence, in all that we strive to accomplish. I’m a firm believer in personal development and lifelong learning, actually enjoying educational and motivational material. As an audible book and podcast junkie, I pass the time on the road traveling many, many miles, listening and learning. Most recently, my focus has been on the topics of leadership, but most specifically, the power of your thoughts and words. What we say about ourselves and others has the ability to build up or tear down, strengthen or weaken, both us, them, and the relationships between. We can predict the outcome of many situations by what we think and say that we can or cannot do. As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.” We can change the trajectory of another person‘s life, as well as our own, by sharing words of hope, life, healing, and encouragement.
Every January,I, like many of you, select a “word” for the year. Ironically, the word I selected for this year, is the word, “words.“ I am focused on all things words.
•The words I speak and write (hopefully full of encouragement, life, truth, and positivity)
•The words I hear and read (positive, uplifting messages, filled with hope and wisdom)
•The words I believe and adopt (The words I take to heart, that align with my beliefs and goals, and those I discard with the trash)
We all know that communication is foundational to each and every relationship we are engaged in, work, home, play…. all of them. Some are more skilled at it than others, but we cannot avoid effective, honest communication if we want each and every relationship to be its most functional. The words we write, read, speak, and allow to seep into our minds have such enormous power. My goal is to be as finely-tuned and cautious with each and every aspect of their use possible, for the greater good. We have all said things we wish so much that we could retract. Perhaps we have words left unspoken that we really regret not sharing. We have spoken out of anger or frustration and maybe have avoided tough conversations altogether, thinking that the problem would go away on its own, with time. Sadly, it only complicates things further when we take either of these routes, damaging the relationship, sometimes permanently. I can think of times that I’ve done both and cringe at the moments, replaying them in my head, regretfully. I choose to make every effort to intentionally speak and write words of a life-giving nature, encouraging and uplifting anyone who may need to have a dose of hope injected into their day, simply because it’s in my power to do so. We each have the power to rewrite our script, no matter what is in the past. Wisdom comes from knowing that we don’t need to keep repeating the same mistakes, as we’ve experienced the damaging effects enough already.
Perhaps, just maybe, somewhere along the way, we have also allowed the words of others to deflate us, beat us down, send us spiraling off into a direction we think we will never regain momentum from. I am sure that you, like I, can hear those words ringing in your ears right now… those deafening, death-filled words that were spoken by someone carelessly, or even perhaps intentionally, aimed in our direction. Whether it was through gossip, mean spiritedness, jealousy, hate, or whatever form, it’s painful. Maybe it’s the conversation that never happened that haunts us; the unspoken words that had the potential to turn a relationship or situation around in a totally different direction. Maybe it’s an apology that never arrived. But, in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.“ It’s true. It is up to us to decide if we will choose to believe those words spoken to, or about, us with intended harm. We can make the decision to allow words that do not align with who we truly, authentically are to roll off our back like water on a duck. We can forgive others, without receiving the apology or explanation we deserve. It doesn’t mean what they said or did was right. It means we choose to understand that hurting people, hurt people. It’s to show them some grace for their humany-humanness and move forward, in spite of it, in the same way we want them to forgive and overlook all the mess-ups we’ve had, as well.
If you are a believer, like I am, you’re familiar with Jesus’ words, “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” That so clearly and simply explains everything we, as people, say. Is it from a place of goodness inside, or not so much?
I wrote earlier this week about a man I encountered, speaking words of life wherever he went. So, I feel I must also share the opposing team that entered the scene, shortly thereafter. I’ve seen this man on other occasions, brutally spewing his foul words around like some sort of twisted confetti. I’ve avoided him in the past, in all honesty, not quite sure if he is dangerous, mentally ill, or on something. He’s not unlike other people we can think of in our lives, that are very difficult to deal with, not knowing from moment to moment what they will say or do. It seems easier to just steer clear of them, hoping to avoid confrontation or unnecessary stress.
I was working at my table with my head down, so he went unnoticed on my radar until he was right upon me, mumbling something to me about my working there. As I went to respond, he yelled at me, “ I DON’T CARE!” He continued to pass by, angrily shouting and cursing that he “hates @#%*?#* White people and wanted to know why so many of them were in this blankety,blank blank blank blank blank blank store!” As you can imagine, it was loud, abrasive and unnerving, which was the polar opposite of the man I had witnessed just moments before. Truth be known, I froze. I was totally caught off-guard, not wanting to speak, potentially provoking any unnecessary altercation. I have wondered all week long how he would’ve received the message of, “Jesus loves you and I wish His blessings on your day,“ that his neighbor had just shared with me. It’s always easy to reframe your response when you get some distance from it. I feel regretful that I didn’t take the opportunity to do so, but also wonder what would’ve happened if I did. I have reflected on just how quickly a turn of events can threaten to ruin our positive outlook, if we allow it. Every day brings highs and lows, words of life and words of death. I chose to simply block his venomous negativity and dwell on the positive message that came just before it, practicing my word boundary skills. As I’ve said before, you never know what or who you’ll encounter in a day’s work. We have to be “locked and loaded” with words of love to overcome the words of hate. So, for today, I am mentally rehearsing a different scenario for a different day. Maybe, in time, I’ll feel ready enough to handle the toughest of folks that I have also perhaps avoided, to keep a safe and peaceful boundary. In my humany- humanness, I can only work diligently to learn, be, and do better today, preparing for whatever tomorrow might bring.
A FRUITFUL LEGACY 