Three little words, but I keep hearing them over and over in my head. Just.Trust.Me. As a serial problem solver, my natural instinct is to look for the resolutions myself, through all sorts of self-help remedies. The vain attempts to grasp at something tangible and physical to soothe ourselves and our sorrow vary from person to person, as we each have our own. Maybe it’s denial and avoidance. Maybe it’s conversations with friends. Or maybe its addictions to copious amounts of food, television, busyness, self-help books, social media, whatever. But, is that what God intends for us to do with the pain of struggles? As difficult as it is for me to relinquish control of my current situations and turn them over to God, I know for sure that he is whispering to me to let it all go and lay it down at His feet. Self-reliance gets us into all kinds of jams. We think we have it all together, under control, but, then… we don’t. So, what is the best way to let go and submit to Him? Studying His word, focusing our attention on His plans for our lives, obedience, action, mindfulness, self-care and prayer. Seems like a long list, but, really, is it? Those are all things that work together to help us keep it all together. We can follow all the right Instagrams, do all the right workouts, drink all the right green smoothies, wash our faces and stop apologizing, make our goal lists, hustle, and exhaust ourselves, but at the end of the day, what does He say? Did we ask Him? Did we consult His self-help book? Did we seek His counsel and meditate on His words or did we run around, willy-nilly looking for answers in all the wrong places? That’s what I thought.
I spend a great deal of time reading scripture, listening to Biblical messages/lessons on podcasts, reading the Bible through in a year programs, and most of all, reading books by Christian authors that I admire. I get a lot out of that time. I really do. But, I don’t spend enough time deeply studying and reflecting on the Bible and seeking out Christian women of wisdom to help guide and mentor me along the way. Sometimes it is easier to just read about someone else’s life story and glean it from there. Like the Cliff Notes of what to do when your life goes awry. Trust me, I will never give up reading these books because they are so encouraging, strengthening and uplifting to me. But, I cannot rely on these alone to guide my spiritual life and hope that it all turns out ok for me, too. I, we, have to go even deeper.
I have for several summers now taken 40 days and really reflected on God’s word, my life, my choices, His plans for my life. Why 40 days? Because the Bible has so many examples of 40 days being a spiritually significant period of time…Noah and the 40 days of rain, Moses and the 40 days on Mount Sinai, Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness to name a few.
It goes something like this. I awake extra early to read, write, reflect and get myself focused. I usually follow a really strict dietary plan, such as Whole 30, to help me clear my head and body. I practice radical self-care with attention to daily exercise, water consumption and ample sleep. I write down everything I hear and think of each day that adds to my story. It may be a quote I read or a song I heard on the radio. It may be something totally random that I encountered on a website or social media, but it all goes down on paper. I realize from doing that how much of our days are connected to a theme, if we just pay attention to it. It may be a specific daily scripture from a devotional book that ties in with a conversation I had with a friend. It might be a new recipe I came across that fits in with my Whole 30 plan, just as I was getting sick to death of eggs and had run out of ideas.
It is in this period of time that I have continued to hear God tell me to just trust Him. To just keep going, to not give up hope that things will get better, to trust him to submit my life to him, to truly give him my all. Even those “secret struggles” deep within that I don’t want to relinquish, but he already knows about. He wants me to just exhale, let go of my grip and submit. He has a plan and a purpose for me, my mistakes, hurts, problems, failures and successes. I have to learn to look to Him and let him direct my steps there. Psalm 37:23-24 says, “The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him, though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand,” He has me in his palm, but I just have to come to grips with that fact.
I don’t want to be a mediocre, compromising, or half-hearted Christian. I want to love God with my whole heart and give him my all. So, he pursues. He tells me to just trust HIM. But, I still struggle there with whatever it is that I cling to and refuse to let go of. Whatever sliver of self-reliance that is the life jacket I have come to believe will save me. I have yet to fully realize that I’m actually tangled in its straps and it is pulling me under.
So, I have begun to put it all down into words to help me fashion it into something that makes sense. I write for all of us that are suffering in silence, pretending to be ok, pretending to ourselves and others that if we just read that book or make that list we will be alright. If it looks really good and shiny and perfect on the outside, surely, it must be. Right? We still think we can do it alone. But, if that were the case, we would already be on dry land, instead of still in the middle of the ocean, swimming back to shore from the shipwrecks in our lives that left us stranded in the middle of the open sea. He is standing there on the shore, calling out to us with his three, steady words. Just. Trust. Me.
A FRUITFUL LEGACY 